Vanity lies in untold words
by CrowKiller
Summary: The ability to foresee disasters. She has had it, for ages, but what will Tsunade do when she realizes that she isn't able to give the name of that person that is doomed to die. She can't tell who is that person she is supposed to care for. ONESHOT ANGST


**Vanity lies in untold words

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DISCLAIMER: I definitely don't own naruto, or else, the akatsuki members wouldn't all be dead and there would be numerous weird pairings in the manga...

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**T**sunade woke up screaming. She woke up in the morning with the nagging feeling that something was about to happen. She suddenly froze. The last time this type of things occurred was when her master died. It was not good. Not at all. She put herself together, got out of bed and started to think. She tried to find who she needed to protect.

** S**akura! She first thought about her. She was like a daughter to her. She was on a mission! No, impossible she was strong enough and Naruto was with her. This possibility was not conceivable: Not that she had not faith in her. Sakura was the strongest ninja of the village. She didn't need help to protect herself. Tsunade was feeling alone in her giant bed. Forget-me-not yes Tsunade was this type of flower, a beautiful flower without perfume, a terrified woman in a bed too big for her, a ninja haunted by childish fears. Tsunade wasn't a lady; she was just a useless crappy old flaked woman.

** S**hizune was by her side. She wasn't on a mission, nor was she in danger. So who was it?

**T**he question was filling her mind up and didn't want to let her go. It was like some endless movement, once she forgot it, it came back. She was like some haunted and empty corpse. She was walking in her too big mansion, wearing her too big nightie. She realized she was helpless, as always. Tsunade, the legendary sannin, slug's princess. My ass, she was just some stupid old hag. Yeah, some really old hag that wasn't strong enough to do anything. She had always needed help. Jiraya and Orochimaru were always after her. To protect her. God she was the fucking hokage of the leaf and she was not able to do anything. She was feeling a horrible taste on her tongue. It was just no good at all. She dressed in a black kimono, the one with red patterns. How could she even linger on her clothes when something so horrible was about to happen? She had only worn this kimono once. The day Sarutobi died. It was just days of bad luck. Her poor master had died three years ago. She felt her heart tighten in her chest. Behind these enormous breasts. She left without eating. The dryness of her tongue was killing her. Anyway she didn't want sake. She had something to verify.

** T**he shades and outlines of the casino came into view. Tsunade sighed the little casino was one hour away from Konoha. She had been there in around a quarter of an hour, thanks to her ninja's speed. It was situated in a little town called Magure; luck in their language. The blonde lady entered the place without looking around. She was one of the boss's favourite customers. She sat in front of a fruit machine and seized the lever of said machine. The evil thing let out a "kling". Tsunade watched with delight as the colourful dial spun endlessly. She was there for a good reason: the day she would win, horrible things would happen. It was just like the feeling of the morning. If she won, something was doomed to happen. Like the day Dan died. This day she had won enough money to give back all the money she owned. She pushed the familiar purple button and the first symbol happened to be a seven. Good. She slammed her fingers on the two following buttons at the same time and closed her eyes. She just prayed silently that she was wrong. Her right eyelid lifted a little, hesitantly and closed again. She was acting childishly. Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she screamed.

**S**he had won. The three seven were right under her eyes.

Money fell down the machine and Tsunade didn't even smile. She just grabbed the money. In a dizzy state, the Hokage walked towards the nearest bank and asked for Takashi. Takashi was her usual banker. He sighed at the sight of her and sat down in front of her in the small office they were in.

_ - Tsunade, darling. I know what you are there for: I can't lend you any money._

_ - I won._

** T**he man in front of her chucked lightly and Tsunade grabbed her purse. He didn't believe her. Of course, who would. Tsunade, the legendary loser, the golden unluckiness, the sannin, poisoned gambler. Her? Wining? No way in hell. She opened it and a flow of money fell on the table. Takashi stared at all that money and looked up at the lady. His eyes travelled from the money to the lady with a strange look: He didn't understand. Suddenly, seeing the sad look on the woman's face, he understood: She had been telling the truth. He was in deep, deep, deep, oh so deep shit.

_ - You... Won?_

_ - Yes..._

** H**e took the money and started to count. This was a huge amount of money: enough to pay back her debts. Well. She wasn't even happy at this thought. She was devastated. She felt the pressure on her shoulders. Her breathing was rather laboured and her hands were shaking. She was just crossing her legs endlessly and playing with her fingers. The banker's voice interrupted her:

_ - Dear, you don't own us anything anymore and you still have ten thousand yens left._

**T**sunade left, the money heavy in her pocket. She had been right something was just about to occur and she didn't know what. She was so clueless, stupid, sick, foolish, idiot, helpless.. and the list could go really further. Tsunade felt just like shit and she suddenly realized: she was old. Years felt like tons on her poor shoulders. He dragged her ass back to Konoha and collapsed on the desk of her office, making piles of paper fly across the room. She liked this office, it was filled up with wooden floor, and the walls were a nice green, emerald green. The furniture was comfortable and there were many interesting books. Shizune entered the room, her face very red, of course, Tsunade was two hours late. Before she began screaming, her assistant noticed the kimono. All anger left her face and she come up to her master. Shizune patted her shoulder.

_ - It's that kind of day, isn't it?_

** S**eeing the lack of answer of the older woman, she stayed silent. Shizune knew about these days, these days when her master wore this kimono and stayed down the entire day. Shizune couldn't do anything, so she did the only thing she knew could comfort the other woman: she handed her a bottle of Sake.

**T**he room was all silent and Tsunade looked at the bottle of sake. She pushed it back with a sad look. Was it that desperate? It looked like. So Shizune took a piece of paper and a pen.

_ - Sakura is on a mission. Along with Naruto and Kakashi._

**S**he wrote Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi's names.

_ - They are the only shinobis being out of the village now. Well except Neji and Tenten._

_ - All these are safe, they are all on C-ranked mission._

**S**hizune crossed their names on her list.

_ - Tsunade, who else do you care for?_

** T**here was a silence. A big silence wrapped around the two women. This was a good question. Even though Tsunade didn't know the answer. It was a void, a black hole in her brain. Who else? There is someone else. There must be someone else! Someone. What someone. The Hokage sighed and snuggled deeper in her chair. Her hands caressed the wood of her ebony desk, feeling the oldness of the piece of furniture, the little scratches here and there, the old desk had lived, almost as long as Tsunade. And she didn't deserve it. She wasn't even able to tell who needed her help. For once, Tsunade felt the weight of years deforming her spine.

**T**hen suddenly, she smashed her head against her desk.

Jiraya.

**Y**es it had to be him, he was the only left. Jiraya, she hadn't thought about him because when things came to the other sannin, she purposely forgot. Jiraya was a topic not to be discussed, it was way too painful. Jiraya and Tsunade were meant to be together, they belonged together. Tsunade was in some way, aware of that. All she felt was infatuation. She wanted to have someone close, someone to hold her and never let her go. Not like Dan, not like Orochimaru, not like her brother.

Jiraya was doomed to die.

**I**t was just too unfair. Tsunade screamed at the top of her lungs but she only let out a meow it wasn't fair. I wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. Why him of all people.

_ - Why do you have to die now?_

**S**he felt useless. Rather useless. Then, the frog arrived, with such a sad look on his old wrinkled face. The woman's eyes pooled and a river of tears flowed on her cheeks.

_ - Tsunade..._

_ - I know._

**H**er voice broke and died in a loud whimper. She threw her desk out of the window and the entire furniture followed. She hit a wall, crushing it. She took her head between her hands and slapped herself. And suddenly, her whole body tensed, she looked at the sky and fist clenched, screamed as loud as she could. It was the sound she hadn't made hen Orochimaru left, when her master died, when Orochimaru Died, when Sakura was injured, once. It was the noise that had been bottled up inside her body for all these years. It was a long list of emotion that she had kept inside, they were all freed, in a second, they were all brought back to her conciousness. All the things she hadn't want to acknowledge, all the things she had purposely forgotten, they were all thrown to the sky, to this God, up there that pretended to exist. There was no god, there was no joy, only fate and the bitter reality. There was no God above.

Tsunade Collapsed on the floor.

Because Vanity lied in the untold words, all the things she should have said to Jiraya had died with him.


End file.
